Can you only deal with one depressing event at a time?
When I was 14 I lost my grandpa, grandma, and aunt, who collectively had played nearly as large a role in raising me as my parents, all within the spa...
When I was 14 I lost my grandpa, grandma, and aunt, who collectively had played nearly as large a role in raising me as my parents, all within the span of about 7 months. Right around the time they passed away, my parents were both diagnosed with cancer. My father's cancer was terminal(Mesothelioma). My mother, however, had liver cancer, and remission was still possible. After I had turned 15, they both passed away. My father went first, and my mother passed about 3 weeks afterwards. I had to go live with my aunt, which caused a host of other problems for me(Imagine 2 depressed people, one with the raging hormones and mood swings of adolescence, and the other with menopausal symptoms, and a generation gap of nearly 40 years). We argued constantly for the 4 years that I had to live with her. Now I am 19 years old, and I have moved out. However, I'm now starting to miss my parents for, what I believe to be, the first time. I never really grieved over them while I was living with my aunt. Is it possible that my mind pushed grieving for my parents to the back of my mind while I struggled with my aunt? Lately I have had many bouts of crying, extreme loneliness, more frequent panic attacks, which started around the same time my parents got sick, and I generally don't get any enjoyment out of the things that used to make me happy. I saw many social workers, psychiatrists, etc. while I was living with my aunt, and I had been diagnosed with major depression, and I am now showing similar symptoms. Please cite your resources, and if you have any advice for dealing with depression(besides taking medication, because apparently the psychiatrists around here don't believe in medicine) please post that as well. Thank you.
Strictly speaking, medicines don’t help much. They just bring some relief to physical symptoms, and at best relax the nervous system.
Even psychiatrists are themselves dependent on the ‘professional income’ which remains at the back of the mind all the time. We cannot blame them if they are unable to cure the cause, leave alone helping the symptoms being kept at manageable levels.
Life situations such as this have to be handled by oursleves with self-confidence. Starting at the basics, we are very much alive, and life is happening around us afresh each moment. It is the past memories that really hampers our mind. All that is required is to re-align the way we remember the past. Start with remembering the life of parents instead of their death. That gives instant positive strength. Even they would like us to remember them, only that way. Extending that life-memory of theirs, if we visualse how they would have liked us to live, we get the goal, motivation and inspiration. We work towards that incessantly, unmindful of hurdles, leaving no space of time for that unwanted memories to haunt us. Fear would have no foothold within us, to bother us, and linger around. Food habits play a very good role in changing our very body chemistry over a period of time (that is what our body is ultimately made up of, the foodstuff that we eat).
There are very many kind people, who would readily play the role of parents with same care, only if we extend that little bit of trust into them. They need not be of the age of parents. Even friends of our age would extend that warmth, moral support and care. Having gone through so much, let the experience give that capability to support any young child we would find in similar circumstance and give that unreserved support, refusing to allow another child around to undergo similar mental strain.
This works very well, and the source of strength comes from ‘nature’ ( a bit illogical but true!). Please see, a soldier, with trememdous patriotism, fellow feeling would effortlessly keep fighting on, even when bullet ridden, extend support to other wounded soldiers, and refuse to fall down by himself till the last breath, until the body fails. The power of our own spirit is such. A couple of hundred of years ago, there were no psychiatrists, no big gadgets that make life easy, no transport /communication facilities and yet life happened well, with people facing more of similar situations, with lesser medical facilities.
Very best wishes.
I didn’t have half the traumas you seem to have had, but I had an entirely different sort that consisted of unloving parents, poor academic performance due to sudden jumping of 4 standards, an emotionally draining love affair, persecution by strangers who should not have had anything against me, all these caused a terrible psychological outcome resulting in a major psychiatric upheaval that was first diagnosed as schizophrenia, and later as manic-depression etc. I was on heavy dosages of psychiatric drugs from 1983 to 2007. Gradually things started improving from 2006 onwards and for the past 1.5 years I’ve been free of all drugs (it was reduced gradually). I know, so far as I’m concerned, it was due to a series of spiritual practices that I adopted since 2004. But I won’t be able to prove it, nor am I certain that what worked for me will work for you. However if you you are interested in knowing the details, feel free to e-mail me.
Best wishes